i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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