so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
