I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
