I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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