I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize