Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
