brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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