im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
