1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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