That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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