Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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