Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize