I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
