these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
