I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
