Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize