I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My life is pants optional.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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