it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
