she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
