You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
