Pants 0. Shit 1.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
