i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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