I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
