Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
