And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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