I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
