You smell like a Billy Joel song
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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