There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
