a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
