Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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