this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
