halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
