ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
