I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
