whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
