it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
