just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
