Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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