Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
