i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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