fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm always down for nudity.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
