Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
