turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize