Someone shit on the floor
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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