so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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