My room smells like vodka and shame
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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