Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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