There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
