I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
