who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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