Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
