There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
