btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
