I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize