now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
