Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
