It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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