If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
