they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
