On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
