The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
