I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
