I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
