I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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