I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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