you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
